Fantastic letter written by 98 year old lady to her bank

Dear Sirs:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, but when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required.

A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

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Europe according to…

Nautical Humour in pictures

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Diga del Cingino dam in Italy

This is the Diga del Cingino dam in Italy – But look closer… See spots on the dam wall?

They are European Ibex and they like to eat the moss and lichen & lick the salt off the dam wall.

China is the place to be for English teachers

Drinking or yoga?

Savasana - Position of total relaxation.

Balasana - Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana - This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana - Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

Halasana - Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin - Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana - Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana - This position is great for massaging the hip area.

Malasana - This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Have you ever been this tired?

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Two rare pictures

Homai Vyarawalla, India’s first woman photojournalist and the founder member of WNCA, turned 94 this year. Her camera has captured some of the defining moments in the country’s political history.This black and white picture of Nehru lighting a cigarette for the then British high commissioner’s wife is an absolute stunner.

Some photographs are to be admired, some are to be celebrated, but this one has the potential to give you goose bumps. Bedi says it was photographed when he was working on a new feature in Bishnoi in Rajasthan. The Bishnois worship nature in all its manifestations, and are a conservative community.

“It was hard for an outsider like me to come with my camera to photograph them. One day, I saw that a village dog had killed a chinkara fawn’s mother. So the Bishnoi family had adopted him before he becomes prey to other predators in wild and nursed him as if it was their own child.I was looking for one picture that can tell the story of their community’s strong feeling for the environment. After great difficulty, some six months later, I could get this picture showing how human beings live in harmony with nature.”

Vijay and his brother Ajay Bedi are the only Indians whose wildlife film has been nominated for the Emmys. They are also the youngest Indians to be honoured with the Green Oscar.

Male speech patterns

“I can’t find it”
MEANS: It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands so I am completely clueless.

“That’s women’s work”
MEANS: it’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.

“Will you Marry me?”
MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the washer, and there’s no peanut butter left.

“It’s a guy thing.”
MEANS: there’s no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

“Can I help with dinner?”
MEANS: why isn’t it already on the table?

“It would take too long to explain”
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

“I’m getting more exercise lately”
MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.

“We’re going to be late.”
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
MEANS: I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

“That’s interesting dear.”
MEANS: are you still talking..???

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

“You expect too much from me.”
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

“It’s really a good movie.”
MEANS: It’s got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

“You know how bad my memory is.”
MEANS: I remember the address of the first girl I kissed and the registration number of every car I’ve ever owned but I forgot your birthday.

“I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.”
MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was wearing a bikini.

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
MEANS: I have actually got a pretty deep wound but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.

“Hey, I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing.”
MEANS: what did you catch me at?

“She’s one of those rabid feminists.”
MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.

“I heard you.”
MEANS: I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.

“You know I could never love anyone else.”
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

“You really look terrific in that outfit.”
MEANS: Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.

“I brought you a present.”
MEANS: It was ‘free ice scraper’ night at the ball game.

“I’m not lost, I know exactly where we are.”
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

“This relationship is getting too serious.”
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.

“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

“I missed you.”
MEANS: I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we’re out of toilet paper.

FOR ALL LADIES TO LAUGH AND GENTLEMEN TO THINK.,.,.,!!

A woman as explained by engineers

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Autumn in London

It’s autumn again and to be precise it’s the 35th autumn in my life.

As far as I remember back from my childhood in Bulgaria, I never really liked autumn, because it marked the end of beautiful, hot and carefree summers. It meant that I can no longer take my bag and skip to the beach, spending all day in the sea without the watchful eye of my parents and until my lips became blue and I had drunk more or less half of the Black Sea. I missed the long nights strolling the main streets all the way to the Sea Garden with its beautiful terrace with Viennese bannisters and the most amazing view over Bourgas harbour all the way to Sunny Beach. Summer was the one season we all lived for and partying all the way to October the thought of autumn and winter was so distant as the Antarctic is from Bulgaria.

Until one morning you wake up and feel the cool breeze in you bedroom, sneaking messenger for the winter, and realise that the leaves are fallen and gone way, the crops are reaped and harvest collected and you reach to you wardrobe for the winter coat and it’s smell of anti-moth balls.

That’s way I never liked autumn back then. It was short, unexpected and brutal. I was not prepared for it and it always brought a sense of loss.

Unlike England.

I found myself looking forward to that magical moment of when the leaves start to transform, the feerie of colours, the sensitivity to light and the dark shades of imminent demise were striking. The passionate reds, the royal purples, the distinguished browns make an amazing autumn in England on the backdrop of green fields and well…quite unpredictable skies. The quite and beautiful transition would wave its way from the bottom of the trees, across land, homes and spaces until one day a fierce storm will shake and disturb the idyllic piece, will rage and reign until the last leave has fallen and kidnapped in the hands of its almighty power.

And this is when it starts to smell like Christmas.

The story behind the logos

Tostitos

If you look at the center of this logo, you can see two people enjoying a Tostito chip with a bowl of salsa. This logo conveys an idea of people connecting with each other.

Formula 1

At first, this logo might not make much sense. But if you look closely, you’ll see the number 1 in the negative space between the F and the red stripes. I also love how this logo communicates a feeling of speed.

Milwaukee Brewers

The Milwaukee Brewers is a professional baseball team from Milwaukee , Wisconsin. Their logo is actually made up of the letters M (on top) and B (below the m). These two letters also form a baseball glove.

Northwest Airlines

This simple looking logo actually carries a lot of information. First of all you can see the letters N and W, the first two letters of the brand name. But what most people don’t see is the compass that points to the Northwest, another reference to the brand name.

Amazon

This logo doesn’t seem to hide much at first sight, but it gives you a little insight in the philosophy behind the brand. First of all, the yellow swoosh looks like a smile: Amazon wants to have the best customer satisfaction. The swoosh also connects the letters a and z, meaning that this store has everything from
a to z.

Toblerone

Toblerone is a chocolate-company from Bern , Switzerland . Bern is sometimes called ‘The City Of Bears ’. They have incorporated this idea in the Toblerone logo, because if you look closely, you’ll see the silhouette of a bear.

Baskin Robins

The old logo of Baskin Robbins had the number 31 with an arc above it. The new logo took this idea to the next level. The pink parts of the BR still form the number 31, a reference to the 31 flavors.

Sony Vaio

Sony Vaio is a well known brand of laptops. But did you know that the name Vaio logo also had a hidden meaning? Well, the first two letters represent the basic analogue signal. The last two letters look like a 1 and 0, representing the digital signal.

FedEx

Do you see any arrows on FedEx’s logo? I saw it a few times at other site saying that there’s an arrow hidden in the FedEx arrow, but I couldn’t find it. I now know where it is, it’s your turn to find. The clue is that the arrow is located in between the alphabet E and X, and the arrow is white, acting as a background.

Useful tools and gadgets from Japan

Complicated Mechanisms Explained in simple animations

Radial Engines

Radial engines are used in aircrafts having propeller connected to the shaft delivering power in order to produce thrust its basic mechanism is as follows

Steam engine Principle

Steam engine once used in locomotives was based on the reciprocating principle as shown below

Sewing Machine

Maltese Cross Mechanism

This type of mechanism is used in clocks to power the second hand movement.

Manual Transmission Mechanism

The mechanism also called as “stick shift” is used in cars to change gears mannually.

Constant Velocity Joint

This mechanism is used in the front wheel drive cars.

Torpedo-Boat destroyer System

This system is used to destroy fleet in naval military operations.

Rotary Engine

Also called as Wankel engine is a type of internal combustion engine has a unique design that converts pressure into rotating motion instead of reciprocating pistons.

The unique life of Kalash – Tribe of Pakistan

Several historians have written about the Kalash and most of them have linked them to descendants of the army of Alexander the Great since many of their rituals, customs and traditions are indicative of the way of life of the ancient Greeks.

The Kalash with their unique culture, traditions, rituals, values, festivals and attire are not be found anywhere else in the world. Kalash are considered ‘infidels’ and their habitations are known as ‘Kafirastan’ — the land of infidels — amongst the local Pakistani community. The Kalash valleys are located in Chitral in the northern district of Pakistan’s Khyber Pakhtoonkhwa province bordering Afghanistan.

They lead a centuries-old primitive way of life with a religion which has no name, no written book or prophets and are now concentrated in three valleys which are called ‘Kalash gooni’ among the Kalash and the ‘Kafir Kalash’ (land of infidels) amongst others.

But it is not just the place which fascinates, also the women of Kalash — who legend says are part-fairy and part-human because of their ethereal beauty. Local people say the Kalash woman can make a man lose his religion. As the story goes, when a Kalash woman drinks water, you can see it streaming down her throat. Yet they are considered impure in their own community; they are also called “whiter than the white”.

The Kalash feel threatened by the outside world as their number are dwindling with every passing day. Many Kalash are accepting Islam and the influence of other cultures. With more members of the community getting educated, people are also reluctant to follow their primitive traditions and rituals.

The tribe does not face any threat from militants but the pressure was more from members who are embracing Islam. “Though, no one forces them to convert, they are under constant pressure from their own converts to quit their way of living,”

There are less than 4,000 Kalash left. 3,554 to be precise when the last count was done in 2009

As members of any community, please help spread this message to inform the world of the hidden yet charming community of people whose existence is doubtful in the coming decades. Visit & see them in Pakistan before they are gone…..

On a separate note, hurry up before all their beautiful women get married! Luckily, they belong to one of the few tribal communities in Pakistan where girls are free to choose their life partners without any influence from the male members in the family.

Cerise art agency represents British and Bulgarian artists at the London Festival Of Bulgarian Culture

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Balance sheet of life

Our Birth is our Opening Balance!

Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset

Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade

Friends  are our General Reserves

Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill

Patience  is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment

Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Some very Good and Very bad things …

The most destructive habit…………………..Worry

The greatest Joy…………………………..Giving

The greatest loss…….Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work…………….Helping others

The ugliest personality trait………….Selfishness

The most endangered species………Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource……………Our youth

The greatest ‘shot in the arm’……….Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome…………….. Fear

The most effective sleeping pill……..Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease………… Excuses

The most powerful force in life………………..Love

The most dangerous pariah…….. A gossip

The world’s most incredible computer…….. The brain

The worst thing to be without………………. Hope

The deadliest weapon……………………The tongue

The two most power-filled words…………….’I Can’

The greatest asset………………………….Faith

The most worthless emotion………………Self-pity

The most beautiful attire………………….SMILE!

The most prized possession…………….Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication…..Prayer

The most contagious spirit………………Enthusiasm

The most important thing in life………………GOD
Life ends; when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends; when you stop Believing,
Love ends; when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing…!!!

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Foam waves at Yamba, New South Wales

Suddenly the shoreline north of Sydney were transformed into the Cappuccino Coast . Foam swallowed an entire beach and half the nearby buildings, including the local lifeguards’ centre, in a freak display of nature at Yamba in New South Wales .

One minute a group of teenage surfers were waiting to catch a wave, the next they were swallowed up in a giant bubble bath. The foam was so light that they could puff it out of their hands and watch it float away.

Boy in the bubble bath: Tom Woods, 12, emerges from the clouds of foam after deciding that surfing was not an option

It stretched for 30 miles out into the Pacific in a phenomenon not seen at the beach for more than three decades. Scientists explain that the foam is created by impurities in the ocean, such as salts, chemicals, dead plants, decomposed fish and excretions from seaweed. All are churned up together by powerful currents which cause the water to form bubbles. These bubbles stick to each other as they are carried below the surface by the current towards the shore. As a wave starts to form on the surface, the motion of the water causes the bubbles to swirl upwards and, massed together, they become foam.

The foam ‘surfs’ towards shore until the wave ‘crashes’, tossing the foam into the air.

Whitewash: The foam was so thick it came all the way up to the surf club

‘It’s the same effect you get when you whip up a milk shake in a blender,’ explains a marine expert. ‘The more powerful the swirl, the more foam you create on the surface and the lighter it becomes.’ In this case, storms off the New South Wales Coast & further north

off Queensland had created a huge disturbance in the ocean, hitting a stretch of water where there was a particularly high amount of the substances which form into bubbles. As for 12-year-old beachgoer Tom Woods, who has been surfing since he was two, riding a wave was out of the question. ‘Me and my mates just spent the afternoon leaping about in that stuff,’ he said.

‘It was quite cool to touch and it was really weird. It was like clouds of air – you could hardly feel it.’

Children play among all the foam which was been whipped up by cyclonic condition

Painter, musician, photographer – it’s the new Bob Dylan we love

Sometimes in our lifetime we are blessed to meet people, who manage to touch our heart through time, countries and more often – internet. Eric Scott Bloom, b.1962 American-born painter, photographer, singer-song-writer, producer, performance artist, poet, filmmaker, journalist, graphic designer is one of the most prolific artists on Twitter and Facebook, dominating the art space with a plethora of talent, productivity and character.

Eric has kindly agreed to participate in this long distance interview and we offer you a fascinating insight into his motivation, inspirations and creative perceptions

CERISE: WHO IS ERIC SCOTT BLOOM, aka MODARTIST?

ERIC: I am an artist who has grown to the point, now being 48, of being able to put myself in a mind-space which allows me to create without experiencing any doubts that what I’m doing is good, right, necessary, and beautiful. To some, that may seem like an art cliché,’ the ego-maniacal “arteest.” There is ego involved. How could there not be? But it’s much more complex and meaningful than just ego. I have come to the conclusion that there is inevitable death, and that through art, in whatever form, death is not the end. We artists leave something behind when we disappear into the cosmos. These paintings, songs, photographs, poems, films, diaries—these objects are like magical talismans, which hold the key to the whole human condition, at least from my perspective. A great painter dies, and his essence remains in one of his or her “masterpieces.” Hopefully, available to the ears & eyes of the world….

I have tapped into spirituality, which is partly a way to deal with one’s own mortality, and by coming to stark realizations about impermanence, I seem able to create with ease, and in the belief that I am not only making something; I am saying something. And so I make art that I myself wish to see. I write and record songs that I myself want to hear. I never write, or paint, or dance for anyone’s pleasure, except my own. I gorge myself on myself. The magic happens when someone else who might hear or see, can FEEL what I might have been tapped into when creating the piece. Then there’s a melding of consciousness, and that’s when potentially an artist can shake the world at large. I think that shaking just one person at a time has made me all the more appreciative of those who are willing to put their prejudices aside, and be open to one of my works. A painting, a photo, a song; it doesn’t really matter what the medium is. The important thing for me, is did the viewer get a sense of spirit and my “Inner Vision?” A jolt to the “soul.” The art should beg the questions: “What IS ‘soul’?” “What is spirituality?” And “Can art and spirituality become one?” I believe this is possible. I know it; I’ve felt it, and seen it throughout my life, in the work of those I revere, and always will.

CERISE: EARLIEST INSPIRATION

ERIC: When I was no more than five or six, I would visit my great-grandparents apartment in Brookline, MA. This is 1967. Summer Of Love. I was six in the summer of love. That means everything in my art. My grand-parents’ son, my great uncle Leon, had a closet that I would find fascinating, because I found him so, and I would crawl in there and raid it. It was your typical closet in many ways, but, the floor was hidden by piles and piles of books. Great, wondrous books. Stand-out for me was a Dali monograph. Seeing those canvases at six years old did something to my brain and my heart. There was also Aldous Huxley. Antonin Artaud. Picasso monographs. Art Deco. Surrealism. Existentialism. Beat poetry. It was all there, and it excited me to no end. At six, I set out to emulate these painters, writers and thinkers. My musical journey began after a decade and a half of being raised, from age six months, on Beatles and Elvis. When I was in Freshman year of highs school, I heard a song on the radio—in art class!—which I assumed was called “Everybody Must Get Stoned.” I later found its title to be “Rainy Day Women, #’s Twelve & Thirty Five.” It was Bob Dylan, and life was never the same after that very moment. He has inspired me in every aspect of my creative life and suppositions. Whether he knows it or not, Bob was, and is, my mentor. He EMBODIES the creative process for me. And so I have taken my passion for Bob Dylan, and Dali and Picasso and Lenny Bruce and Muhammad Ali and Woody Allen and Jimi Hendrix and Anne Sexton and Jim Morrison & The Doors and Robert Rauschenberg and RB Kitaj and Joseph Beuys and Paul Klee and Robert Frank and Diane Arbus and Jackson Pollock and John Lennon and Patti Smith, and countless others, mixed them all up in a big, boiling cauldron of soup, and drank it all down in one long gulp; a gulp lasting forty years, and is still going strong. I mixed it with my own spirit, and put the elixir that resulted into all my artwork. The magical, mystical potion that allows me to make a painting, out of nothingness.

CERISE: IF YOU COULD PAINT AS ONE PARTICULAR ARTIST, WHO WOULD THAT BE?

ERIC: Can I choose myself? I choose myself. However, if in fact the question regards which artist BESIDES myself, then I will choose, at this moment, Salvador Dali. The man appeared by his work, to me, to be “more” than human. A spectral wave of pure energy and thought. A craftsman with the imagination of a hundred painters and a thousand poets combined. Tomorrow, I might choose someone else. Everyday is another chance to discover something truly magical, to add to my list of protean influences.

CERISE: ARE YOU EXHIBITING OR WORKING ON NEW PROJECTS?

ERIC: I am not exhibiting. I am living in a room, where I make art. I am attempting to compile all the work into one whole oeuvre, before time runs out. I am writing songs at an alarming clip, and thrusting them into being, without looking back. I see how quickly life passes. I just want to get it all together, and get as much more done as my mind and body can muster the energy for. The older I get, the more critical it becomes that I make and disseminate the work. If you knew me like close friends and family, you’d see I am mad. Years ago I learned of Arthur Rimbaud’s philosophy of aesthetics and creativity. The raising of the body’s essences, including the dark poisons, and boiling them down into the QUINTESSENCE of one’s creative self. “A long, drawn out derangement of the senses…” This is how I attempt to make my art my very own. To give homage to my mentors, but add in the quintessence of my derangement. Bob Dylan said “Chaos is a friend of mine.” That about sums up my battle to be, and remain, an artist, until my last dying breath. And my legacy will be that my works, in all media, represent my spirit, and my un-dying love for my dear, beautiful child, Kyle Eric Bloom; my one and only “Bubba.” It is for him and me that I make and create.

CERISE: WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE TO THE WORLD, AND WHICH OF YOUR WORKS REPRESENT IT BEST?

ERIC: I feel I have made works in a multitude of different media that I could choose to represent my artistry. It’s a very confining spot for me to be sure, as I am in favour of seeing as much of an artist’s work, at any one time, as possible, in order to truly get a feeling for what makes him or her tick. But it’s also a liberating question, because your choice of a single painting to represent thousands of others makes you really get in touch with your artistic spirit. It just so happens I can answer this very easily, in regard to paintings. It’s a 16 x 20 inch oil on canvas, called KYLE ERIC BLOOM (INFANT), and it is my portrait of my son when he was six months old. I wanted to capture his innocence, but I ended up also portraying his vulnerability. As I am big on homages, it is my ultimate homage to love, fatherhood, spirituality, innocence, childhood, and Kyle, whose birth awakened a place in my heart I never knew existed. A humble, simple, small artwork that says more about me than a million words could pin down. I have painted several portraits of Kyle, at all ages. They all mean the world to me. This one is special.
I asked him if someone offered me $100,000 for it, if he thought I should take the money, and give it to him for his education. He was adamant. “Don’t ever sell that one, Dad. I want to have it in my family forever.

Cerise Art Agency and Eric Scott Bloom

All rights reserved

The art of nails

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