Male speech patterns

“I can’t find it”
MEANS: It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands so I am completely clueless.

“That’s women’s work”
MEANS: it’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.

“Will you Marry me?”
MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the washer, and there’s no peanut butter left.

“It’s a guy thing.”
MEANS: there’s no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

“Can I help with dinner?”
MEANS: why isn’t it already on the table?

“It would take too long to explain”
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

“I’m getting more exercise lately”
MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.

“We’re going to be late.”
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
MEANS: I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

“That’s interesting dear.”
MEANS: are you still talking..???

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

“You expect too much from me.”
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

“It’s really a good movie.”
MEANS: It’s got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

“You know how bad my memory is.”
MEANS: I remember the address of the first girl I kissed and the registration number of every car I’ve ever owned but I forgot your birthday.

“I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.”
MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was wearing a bikini.

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
MEANS: I have actually got a pretty deep wound but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.

“Hey, I’ve got reasons for what I’m doing.”
MEANS: what did you catch me at?

“She’s one of those rabid feminists.”
MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.

“I heard you.”
MEANS: I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.

“You know I could never love anyone else.”
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

“You really look terrific in that outfit.”
MEANS: Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.

“I brought you a present.”
MEANS: It was ‘free ice scraper’ night at the ball game.

“I’m not lost, I know exactly where we are.”
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

“This relationship is getting too serious.”
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.

“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

“I missed you.”
MEANS: I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we’re out of toilet paper.

FOR ALL LADIES TO LAUGH AND GENTLEMEN TO THINK.,.,.,!!

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