Dear PC Doctor

Ealing-20130514-00066

Dear PC Doctor,

I am writing with the hope that you will be able to understand my position and provide a suitable care for my beloved.

My Dell laptop is only 4 years and 6 months old. I paid handsome money for it and although the public perception is that dowry is thing of the past, I still do believe that this is a good way to introduce two upright families.

It was love from first sight – him with his mate black cover and Ferrari red lights dashing and dazzling in the late nights when I had to catch up with some paperwork, me – an inspiring high achiever who did the occasional work marathon until the early hours of the morning. (I still remember those jealous looks when we were going through airport security…) He was fast, responsive and very agile. I was totally captivated by him.

But now I feel that he is ageing faster than me.

His health deteriorated rapidly. During his lifetime he underwent a number of technical interventions, resuscitations and reboots. I looked after him and provided a weekly cleaning care with wet antiseptic wipes, anti-virus software and an initial 3 year guarantee (which came in quite handy, keeping in mind that the we had to call the helpline in the first year). I even upgraded his operational system, changed the lights to a more calming blue and refrained from a regular contact and use.

But now I feel that I have explored all options and I will have to retire him. He is becoming non-responsive and dementia is taking hold of him to the extent that I have to awake and re-boot him three to 5 times before he recognise me. He just blinks and the look disappears from his face, I can see his icons becoming mere shadows and waning on the background.

In the past 5 or 6 months he failed to perform on number of occasions and I feel let down and alone.

I don’t know about him but I don’t think this is a healthy way to have a relationship.

And this is why I have started to use internet and look for another partner. I know this is not right and I feel guilty and ashamed, but I need someone reliable, handsome and hardworking, preferably with big hard drive but light weight. It has to be modern, easy to operate and good with children (he will have to get along with my 6 years old son as mandatory). References are very important as I will be checking the reviews thoroughly.

Dear PC Doctor, I hope you do understand my position and help me to find a suitable and retirement home for my dear Dell. If this is not possible, I will have no choice but to ship him to Bulgaria.

Yours truly,

Elena